Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
