I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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