a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
