The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
