I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh god it's open bar.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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