In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
