In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
