we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
