youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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