I heard we made out
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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