we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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