you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
