I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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