Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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