he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
