I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
