I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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