You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
