he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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