please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
