Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
