i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
