if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
