even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
