Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
