I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
