did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We named our party play list daddy issues
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
