escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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