i need an iv and a liver transplant
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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