I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
