Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
