the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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