One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
