My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
