i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
