my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
