WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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