If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
