Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
