Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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