I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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