Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
