How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Enjoy the penises
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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