the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
