All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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