Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
