new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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