No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
