Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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