I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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