If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
