whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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