I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
